Non-sweet attempt

I thought I too could sustain it. It turns out that the inevitable is much stronger than any fragile will can fight. The moment has regained its strength to hurl us back to that impasse where at the very least we now have the courage to face. Now that we can no longer make it, the only act left is to allow life to make its tearing.

I don’t blame you for the passive, unromantic, and indifferent person you perceived me to have become. I keep telling you how I don’t even deserve the slightest of you, and yet I struggled to see you every single surreal time, hoping that I can handle it. But too much exposure to freedom is already enough to make me realize the edge of a cliff that I am in. I further imagine you forgiving the unforgivable apathetic form I hope I did not assume in the first place.

Perhaps the least that you can hear from me is an atom-sized advice: choose your fate wisely. Henceforth, there is no more blaming or regretting or amending mistakes – everything that lie ahead will now become part of an unveiling of some unknown future event. The same ordinary air will soon leave us in a stillness of our own (and not from other voices), in which the irony of an inner conflict is fueled by the drama we have reduced into silence.

I just loved you – and a whole big bang collided everything into questioning even the tuning fork of our lives. But let me wish it that I can say it presently once more, as if you are not able to comprehend it unlike its yester-tenderness: I love you. May such final glimpse of love find the strength to reach you – upon yearning for your sympathetic acceptance – with a good, sweet, and beautiful goodbye. I would love to see you find the love you deserve.

 

All the love left,

Jan

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