A scary Might

You know what scares me most? It’s the fact that you are perfect. You are the embodiment of what I want and need and dream that all I can only do is to censor you and to contain myself, because you are the real deal – you, everything that I wanted to have, are in front of me.

You are like the end of all pursuits. You are more than enough to complete me. And I am scared if I can ever sustain that – if in the future I can do just enough everything to hold you, the most precious in my life, to be with me so that I will not lose you. Because if ever I will, it would mean literally the end.

I am afraid that I may have been contented with small doses of you that it scares me if you are now always with me, if I would have to live the rest of my life with you. I might not take it. I might not sustain it, the large doses of daily happiness with you.

It’s scary because we all know that when everything is good – that is, when everything is all happiness with you – something bad is about to happen: like we might come to realize that we are not for each other after all, that we might find certain flaws that are irreconcilable for us.

 

Sincerely,

Jan

 

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