missing nostalgia

Dear love,

I wish we were one. I wish that our minds and hearts think and feel the same. I wish something like a total synchronization will happen between us – something unifying. By then, we would be together in a way that our beings are connected as if we were one person with one mind and heart. But we aren’t – we can’t. So the only realistic space between us that will make this possible is to allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by this space.

I have recently known and confirmed that there really is this space; that this space exists for what is beyond, for some excess of the phenomenon. The ancient people knew this when they coined kairos (Greek: “the opportune time”). Then I knew that Alain Badiou acknowledged this and called this an ‘exception’, a moment in time that is exceptional, a space open for ruptures – something like what Deleuze calls the ‘clamor’ in being; anyway, forget my winding introductions, this space is something so special within ordinary time that is worth fighting for. This space, this moment, is like a hole, a void – a different timeline where there is only us, as if we are altogether alone in the experience. Badiou even goes further to say that this is ‘real’ happiness apart from any satisfaction. I know you already figured it out: this special timeline – this momentary space making possible both the interaction and abyss of contingent space, this time when it seems the world stops – is the space called love.

We have entered this space a lot, and it is so addicting I had wish it to be forever. I wish us to enter in it again, for it would take an ‘us’ to enter it. I wish for us to be one. I wish that our minds and hearts might think and feel the same again. I wish I’d be able to express my love again in the same manner like you do. We only have this space that comprise these little perilous moments of freedom we have for ourselves. I love you, let’s be one again.

Love,

Jan

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